Category: Humor and Inspiration

A Progress Report on My Fifties: Could you please repeat yourself?

Hearing_Aids

Back in 2017, I devoted a blog post to the milestone of reaching the half-century mark. I am a few months shy of reaching the half-way point of my fifties, so I figure it’s an appropriate time for a mid-way update on my experiences with aging and the passage of time.

If you watch the nightly television network news, an old-school way to keep up with the world, I realize, there is a steady stream of pharmaceutical advertising in which earnest, attractive, and fit folks in their middle years begin a sales pitch with the tag-line, “if you’re over 50 then talk to your doctor about…” One can quickly determine that the big 5-0 ushers in some fairly ominous predicaments and decisions. Yet, I at least take some comfort in the notion that my fellow mid-lifers are having fun or at least portraying themselves as having fun.

My Hearing Aid Journey
Right before the pandemic started, I was talking on my iPhone at work, and all of a sudden, it seemed rather difficult to hear the other person speaking in my right ear, so I switched to my left ear, which was at least some degree better. I wondered if my problem somehow related to my perpetual unwillingness to spring for the latest and greatest Apple device, but that thought made no sense at all.

Upon a bit more reflection. I realized that I had gotten into the mode of “what?”, and “Huh?” or in my more polished tone “Pardon?” in conversations, especially at home with my spouse. Then, there was my growing tendency to crank up the television volume when left to my own devices. Not extreme situations, mind you, but noticeable nonetheless.

All my life, I have been plagued with the label of “loud talker,” in terms of how my vocal chords and brain were seemingly configured. Yet, this oddity had become more pronounced, and I deduced that perhaps my hearing situation played a role. Maybe I had lost a measure of my never quite adequate ability to hear–and register the volume of– my own voice.

I made an appointment for a screening at the Costco Hearing Aid Center, and then I went for a second screening at an audiologist/ENT clinic. The tests gave nearly identical results of mild to moderate hearing loss. The deficit was asymmetrical in nature, which the ENT said was slightly concerning. He declared that I would probably benefit from hearing aids, but an MRI might be helpful to eliminate other possibilities. So, since nothing about this seemed hair-on-fire urgent, I figured I would wait a year and see how things were then.

So, after 12 months where things stayed about the same, I went back to the audiologist/ENT and asked to undergo the MRI to be sure this wasn’t a brain thing. Given my claustrophobia, I had always dreaded the thought of an MRI, but positive self-talk–and a valium–helped me get though that symphony of strange noises in a small space.

My brain was deemed normal, though those around me might dispute that finding, but at least nothing tied to hearing loss could be detected. So, back to Costco for their requisite repeated tests. That made a total of four hearing screenings, all with the same conclusion: one ear was worse off than the other, but both could benefit from hearing aids to at least some degree.

So, I took the plunge, and it’s proven pretty positive without seeming miraculous. When I put some effort into it, I seem to be able to hear and control my own voice better. My spouse thinks I am now less loud a talker, though if I get emotional or agitated, he still has to let me know that I need to tone it down a bit. It took some getting used to when certain sounds, like the faucet running or the flip of a light switch, seemed extra pronounced, but somehow that started to become a reassuring novelty of sorts for me.

So, I have a new electronic medical appliance in my life. Yay! Back in 2005, I began wearing a CPAP to bed for my sleep apnea (Darth Vader-style mask and hose) every night and hauling said equipment with me when away from home. Now, add to that a little charging case where I tuck my hearing aids in each night. When my other half and I travel, I now have to look for two absolutely essential electrical outlets in the hotel room. On our recent cruise, we ended up unplugging the mini-bar fridge to make it work. Seems like a pretty minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things.

Pre-Type Two Diabetes
During this same approximate timeframe, I also had a routine physical with the standard blood testing. The result was an elevated blood glucose, which my doctor explained had been a rather recent shift, so this gave me a chance to nip things in the bud relatively smoothly. He prescribed medication and also suggested that I approach carbs and sugar (two of my favorite things in life) more sensibly.

A year and a half later, whatever I am doing seems to be working. It’s not so much that I say a firm no to bread and dessert, but I do say no to the type of endless portions that I had become accustomed to in my old life. Setting some limits is not nearly as disheartening as I feared it might be. And, my treatment plan is really a piece of cake when you think about it, albeit a pretty sensibly-sized one.

Confronting Aging
There is that old saying along the lines of not minding aging except for the fact that it happens so quickly. That’s really how I see things. I feel so much wiser and self-assured at 54 than I did at 34 or even 44. Yes, I have my quirks and worries, but I think I see the bigger picture. Part of me wishes that I could exist like Brad Pitt in the Benjamin Button movie and get an increasingly younger body to go along with the experience of age. However, I think that the vulnerability of aging is part of what gives us perspective, and besides that movie had a really depressing ending anyway.

Ultimately, I feel so grateful for the adventures I get to have in my life. I am making the most of it. It may not be quite as charmed as what the over-50 crowd in those commercials seems to be experiencing, but if anything gets me down, I can always ask my doctor about it. I am, after all, over 50.

Turning the Big 5-0 and Checking Out Brad’s Status

Ben Stiller at airport ticket counter in Brad's Status
The title character in the new film Brad’s Status, played by Ben Stiller, tries in vain to secure a first-class upgrade to travel with his teen son to visit potential college choices in New England.

This month marked the half-century milestone for me. I am not one of those folks who  complain about aging itself.  As a practical point, I always liked that old adage about birthdays being better than the alternative. Yet, when contemplating aging, I can’t help but find myself asking those bigger questions about life.

A couple of weeks or so after the birthday passage, my other half and I spent a too-warm-for-September afternoon at a matinée of Brad’s Status, a new comedy/drama written and directed by the highly creative Mike White and starring Ben Stiller. I have always held a soft spot for Ben Stiller. He’s around my age, and across his wide body of film work–ranging from gross-out cheap laughs to cutting-edge artistic breakthroughs–he has always projected an approachable vulnerability that I appreciate.

This post does not serve as a review per se. I will attest that Brad’s Status turned out to be a highly engaging experience for me at every level. The plot surrounds a middle-age, middle class guy named Brad Sloan who takes his high-school senior son on a cross-country trip to visit potential college selections, most notably the ivy-covered Harvard campus. The quirky kind of biting humor is right up my alley, but more importantly, the movie made me think about nagging questions that I’m not afraid to confess run through my head at varying intervals.

This seems kind of mundane. “Is that all there is?”
The divine Miss Peggy Lee sang the familiar refrain in her hit 1969 song.  I think it’s human nature to wonder why the day-to-day stuff of life isn’t quite as spectacular as we dreamed it would be. Sometimes the passion and excitement just aren’t there, and there is a sense of being on auto-pilot.

Why don’t I seem to be one of the cool people? Is there something wrong with me?
Sometimes the commodity that seems to be the hottest is youth, which makes reaching midlife a bit touchy on some fronts.  At other times, it’s about perceived social graces or networking potential. As Brad experiences, these matters can be as minuscule as getting a better seat at a restaurant or as consequential as gaining the attention of those who can possibly determine our future well-being or that of those we love.

Why does “so and so” in my life seem to have it made in the shade when I don’t?
The comparison game can be deadly to one’s mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. In my younger years, the struggle was more in-your-face in those settings related to school and the various rites of passage in childhood and young adulthood. So, on the most obvious levels, the challenge gets easier with time. Yet,  those old nagging doubts can resurface with the right trigger, and sometimes seeing the lives of others played out on the social media landscape makes that problem worse. Of course, envy is not a new phenomenon at all though.

So, what is the answer?
I wish I had words of wisdom to magically wash away all of these kinds of doubts for myself and everyone. Sometimes folks double down on the “think about others who have it worse” mantra. Not to give away too many plot details, but there is a memorable cross-generational conversation along these lines in Brad’s Status.

I certainly appreciate the kernels of truth with those statements. I do believe that just about all of us could use a more ample supply of empathy and decency. I also think that sometimes a hard-hitting reality check gives us just the right dose of perspective when we need it the most.

Also, as played out in the film’s story line,  quite often our understanding of what others might be experiencing themselves or thinking about us–or more accurately not thinking about us–turns out to be based on misinformation or limited knowledge of the broader picture. You just never know what’s happening on the other side of the divide.

Yes, gratitude is indeed at the center of it all. Yet, for me, it doesn’t seem sustainable fueled only by “it could be worse,” or “other people aren’t as great as they seem,” as those can become new variations of the same old comparison game.  Rather, it’s about finding meaning from the journey. We learn and grow from experience, and hopefully we can find joy along the way and leave the world a bit better place in the end.

As I see it, gratitude in its most lasting form requires a couple of other things to take root. One is a sense of purpose, and the other is the capacity to live in the moment. As we taste the slights and disappointments big and small, it helps to know that we are part of a bigger story than the one that other people may be writing for us. Also, the seemingly little moments of happiness–as Brad learns in traveling with his son–are often what’s really priceless, and it’s so frighteningly easy to miss them because of our fears, worries, and preoccupations.

I don’t claim to have it all figured out by any means. I have good days and bad. I  realize that I haven’t been everyone’s cup of tea, and Lord knows, I have my quirks and imperfections. Yet, I know that it’s been a pretty good ride so far, and I am thankful to have loved and been loved and have had a little fun so far. That’s a pretty good status.

Starting Something Even When I Don’t Feel 100% Ready

Here goes… This is my inaugural blog post. I have that first day of school/first day of a new job feeling of both excitement and dread. Thank you, dear reader, for joining me on this journey.

I am making up the rules for my blog as I go. After tinkering with things for some time now, I have had to reach the point where I can let myself think that way. Voltaire once said that “the perfect is the enemy of the good,” and I have learned that lesson the hard way in forty-something years on the planet.

As a young kid, I was the boy who misplaced his schoolbooks, paper, pencil, you name it. I looked out the window too much and let distractions get me flustered. I was told, mostly justifiably I think, that I needed to get in gear and focus on the task at hand. So, as I got older, I overcompensated by becoming a highly caffeinated worrier and perfectionist. I kept playing the old tapes in my head and telling myself that I had to prove something to “them,” though I am not sure exactly who the “them” actually was. More often than not, I think it was a matter of me paying too much attention to my tough inner critic.

So, while “getting my ducks in a row,” has its positive aspects, my problem has often been that I approach projects with the mindset of making sure that I understand absolutely everything and can anticipate every possible complication before I take any concrete actions. Of course, I can pat myself on the back for being so conscientious, but after a while, that sinking feeling can become immobilizing. I need to “just do it,” or, to put it a bit more crudely, “poop or get off the pot.”

I am making a fair amount of progress on that front lately. It’s not an overnight transformation, but I take more and more baby steps to get there. Starting this blog is part of that plan. (Along these general lines, my old friend Kari penned an insightful blog post on the subject of our “too-hard piles.” a couple of months ago, and her ideas helped me ask myself some valuable questions.)

So, now that I have managed to actually jump into the water, what’s this blog about? I am breaking a cardinal rule of the digital gurus that be by declaring that it’s about a bit of everything. According to the experts, I need to specialize or else my message will get lost out there. Well, I still want to give this a shot. I have so many divergent interests, but in my mind at least, they are somehow tied together. I want to grow as a writer and put myself out there and see what happens. I am taking a risk, but whether or not people read what I have to say, I figure that I can still learn something new from the experience.

I have a personal style that involves thinking out loud to help myself process everything for myself. When it comes to the stuff of life, I typically do have something to say. It may not always click in terms of every subject in every situation, but I am determined to find those happy accidents where something I share resonates with someone else, and then maybe we can better ourselves together or at least have some fun.

Welcome aboard, and I hope you enjoy the ride. Make sure your personal items are securely stowed in the overhead compartments or under the seat in front of you and that your seat belts are securely fastened and that your seats and tray tables are in their upright locked positions. Complimentary beverages and snacks will be served when we have reached cruising altitude.